It's 5:30 am Wednesday morning. I have been up for a quite awhile already. I have been challenged, stirred and compelled in a way I never have been before this past week. I am physically exhausted yet a restlessness stirs inside me and I can't sleep. I lay down and try to quiet myself but sleep does not come. Apparently God is not done working on me yet. I do hope he finishes soon because I am REALLY tired!
I played with my 5 year old (he turns 5 TODAY!!!) ALL day yesterday. Whatever he wanted to play, we played. When the older two got home from school in the afternoon I showered them with love, time and attention as well. As we were hanging out yesterday I was struck by their eye contact.
The children in Haiti CRAVED eye contact. The begged for it, competed for it, demanded it. Except for the handful of children who were so broken and hurt they just couldn't handle eye contact at all. I spent 5 days gazing into chocolate brown eyes after chocolate brown eyes. Each one was different from the one before, but reflecting such similar pain, longing and loneliness. A theme that seemed to run throughout Haiti. From orphanage to orphanage.
Back here, State side, I gaze into the beautiful blue eyes of my own children and I see only love, strength and security. My children all gave me great eye contact but they didn't demand it or compete for it. They gave it and accepted it easily but were also just as happy to share it, knowing that when they needed it, it would be there for them.
There is a pressure in my heart I can't describe as I recognize and embrace this blessing my children don't even realize they have. Two loving parents and SCORES of other adults in their life who continuously look them in the eyes and shower them with love.
Maybe this is why God has given me this exhausted restlessness. Maybe realizations like this are the reason God isn't ready to let me rest yet. If so, then I will embrace this tiredness.
Today look your child, any child, in their eyes and tell them that you love them. Tell them their precious Father in Heaven loves them. Tell them they are special and significant. That they matter to you and they matter to their Maker. This is a precious gift that every child needs and so many never get.