The Hot Chocolate War
December, 2008, that was the year it all began. December 16th, 2009 to be exact. It’s hard to believe it was only 3 years ago, that dreaded day. Who knew that our lives would be changed forever? You see it was exactly three years ago today that the Hot Chocolate War began.
It started out innocently enough. There were only 9 days left until christmas, and everyone was drinking hot chocolate 24-7; Santa, the elves, the reindeer, even the snowmen. Everyone was in full christmas frenzy trying to get everything ready for the big day and they were ALL drinking the stuff like it was going out of style, who knew it really was?
It was the elves who noticed it first, probably because they are the ones who are in charge of distribution. But the truth of the matter is a cup of hot chocolate will pass through a lot of hands before it reaches its ultimate destination. There are of course the elves who are in charge of making it, getting it into containers and distributing it in a timely manner. But I bet you didn’t know that Santa is in charge of tasting and sampling every batch of hot chocolate that is made. And when Santa is too busy with all his other Santa stuff to do the taste testing, production can fall behind schedule. The reindeer (when they’re not playing reindeer games) are the ones who are tasked with taking the hot chocolate from its distribution center to the manufacturer or the middleman. That middleman is the snowmen. Now snowmen, I’m sure you know, are notoriously good businessmen. No one can wheel and deal like a snowman. The next time you run into a snowman, go ahead and try to negotiate with him. It’s impossible! They just stand there and act like they can’t hear you until you finally give them what they want. Oh well, what are you gonna do, they’re snowmen. But I digress, you want to know about the Hot Chocolate War.
So it was December 16, 2008. Only 9 days until Christmas and Santa ordered an elf to bring him another cup of hot chocolate. So all the usually malay ensued, Santa’s helper elf got on the miniphone (it’s kind of like a megaphone, only elf-size) and hollered to the waiter elf to bring Santa a hot chocolate. The waiter elf grabbed the nearest reindeer and hightailed it to the kitchen where the kitchen elf was busy haggling with a snowman. The waiter elf ordered up a hot chocolate for Santa, and one for himself while he was at it, and one for his friend the reindeer who had brought him all the way to the kitchen. And while the kitchen elf was fixing Santa, the waiter elf, and the reindeer a hot chocolate, he decided to fix one for himself, oh and the snowman, after all it was almost christmas. And then he remembered that he had promised Rudolph (you know Rudolph, the most famous reindeer of all?) that he would bring him and his buddies some hot chocolate right before the snowman had arrived. So the elf poured out 15 cups of hot chocolate in all. And then it happened, never in all the years of Christmas’s had this happened before!
The Hot Chocolate Reserve Meter (the HCRM for short) dropped to the dangerously low level! Santa Claus was almost out of hot chocolate!! This was a catastrophe! Well, the kitchen elves immediately got on the phone with the elves in production and demanded to know what was going on! The elves in production blamed it on the reindeer and said they were taking too long in transit to get the hot chocolate to the snowmen. The reindeer said it was the snowmen’s fault, they were taking too long haggling about the transportation prices. The snowmen decided it was Santa’s fault, he drank more hot chocolate than all the snowmen combined!
Meanwhile Santa was still screaming for his hot chocolate. So the elves delivered the hot chocolate, and the bad news.
“We are almost out sir!”
“Out of what?” Santa asked.
“Hot Chocolate, sir. We are almost out of hot chocolate!”
“WHAT!!!” Santa exclaimed, an edge of panic in his voice.
As soon as the news of a Hot Chocolate shortage spread, chaos ensued. Every elf, reindeer and snowman at the north pole ordered up some hot chocolate, hoping to get some before it ran out! Well that dropped the HCRM to the critically low level and now people really started to panic!
The kitchen elves were near exhaustion and decided they weren’t going to make one more cup of hot chocolate. At almost the exact same time the snowmen tripled their prices, thinking they could really cash in on the demand. The reindeer stopped ALL their reindeer games and instead of transporting the hot chocolate they started hoarding it away!! Santa was so busy trying to maintain control that he had no time to do all the taste testing and production came to a standstill!
No hot chocolate was going out and the last few batches that had been sent for shipment the reindeer stashed away. Any hot chocolate the snowmen had left on their shelves now cost way too much, even for Santa to afford, and the hot chocolate that was left in the reserve the elves refused to make for anyone. The Hot Chocolate War had begun.
As the days got closer to the Christmas, the tension mounted. The elves started throwing all their extra marshmallows at the snowmen. They certainly didn’t need them for hot chocolate anymore since they could no longer afford to pay the high prices. The snowmen went around breaking all the peppermint sticks that the reindeer had used to stir their hot chocolate and the reindeer were calling all the elves inappropriate names. Santa was at a loss, he really couldn’t function without hot chocolate. The North Pole was in chaos, not the typical HO-HO-HO christmas chaos; but the everyone-is-getting-themselves-on-the-naughty-list kind of chaos. It really was a miracle that christmas happened at all that year what with all the marshmallow throwing and name calling that was going on and NO HOT CHOCOLATE to speak of!!
It’s been 3 years now and the Hot Chocolate War is still going on. Production is almost non existent, the elves make only enough for themselves. When Santa demands they make more, the reindeer stash it away instead of transporting it like they are supposed to. And when Santa cracks the whip at them, the snowmen still charge an arm and a leg for the stuff. The Hot Chocolate Reserve Meter has remained at the critically low level for 3 years. Santa finally had to ration every one to only 1 cup of Hot Chocolate a day. THAT”S IT!! ONLY ONE!!! No one can survive long term on only one cup of hot chocolate a day! So I have decided to do something about it!
You see, I am one of the elves from production and I have a plan. But I needed some help so I called in Santa and Rudolph (he is the only reindeer I trust) and Frosty (he has ALL the snowmen under his thumb). I have been working day and night for too long to count now and I have quite a stash of Hot Chocolate, I just need Santa to taste test it. Then Rudolph and I are going to spend the whole night delivering the Hot Chocolate to every elf, reindeer and snowman at the North Pole. When they all wake up in the morning they will have more Hot Chocolate then they know what to do with! Frosty has promised the snowmen will lower their prices back to the 2008 range. And with all the hot chocolate that has been made the HCRM should finally hit the almost full level. The Hot Chocolate War will be over! And I wouldn’t be surprise if no one even bothers putting it in the history books!