Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me.

There are a few things I knew to expect regarding this thing called parenting.  But there are SO MANY things I really had NO idea about...why didn't anyone tell me?

I knew I would love my kids.  But I really had no idea just how much.   I didn't understand how instantaneous love, love at first sight (even before sight) could happen until I had my children.  I didn't know the depths I would go to to show them my love, to protect them from harm and make them feel safe.  I didn't understand the love my heavenly father had for me, until I had kids.  Why didn't anyone tell me?

I knew parenting would be fun.  But I really had no idea just how much fun it would be.  I didn't understand that I how much I would enjoy the young people my children would become.  How they would make each laughter sweeter, each high higher, each memory infinitely more precious.  I didn't realize how much I would want to just hang out with them, enjoy them, play with them.  I didn't realize how fun they would be.  Why didn't anyone tell me?

I knew parenting would be hard.  But I really had no idea just how hard it would be.  I simply didn't understand the immense challenge it would be to raise a child in a manner pleasing to God.  I didn't know how tired I would be, how much I would cry, how much they could hurt my heart.  I didn't realize how my heart would break every time theirs did.  That their bad days would become my bad days. Their pain, my pain.  I didn't realize how much time, energy, sleep, money, patience, self control, sacrifice and hard work it would take.  Why didn't anyone tell me?

I knew I would enjoy watching my kids do what they love.  But I had no idea how much I would learn to love what they love.  How watching them do it, would be like experiencing it myself.  How nervous I would be the light shone on them.  When I watch my kids play a prominent position in sports, speak in church, ride in a horse show.  I am SO nervous you would think I was the one on stage...in front of thousands...naked.  THAT is how nervous I get.  I can't sit down, let alone be still.  I pace, I fret, I cheer, I silently coach, I self talk myself (redundant I know) about what they should be doing..."deep breath, focus, elbows in...".  I had NO IDEA how nerve wracking it would be to be a parent.  Why didn't anyone tell me?

Why didn't anyone tell me how wonderful, hard, beautiful, impossible, rewarding, frustrating, amazing and difficult this parenting thing would be?  My guess is that it simply can't be put into words, that's why no one ever told me.