Friday, August 9, 2013

This Mom Thing is Hard

Ahh...do you here that?  It's the sound of quiet.

I am really enjoying the quiet right now.  

My kids aren't at school, they are just outside playing.  And inside, it's quiet.

I should probably go outside and watch over them.  Let them see me seeing them.  Smile at all their silly tricks, ooh and ahh where appropriate.  But I just can't.  Not right now.

I am enjoying the quiet.  

I feel guilty saying this, really REALLY guilty.  But I am SO ready for school to start.  It just can't come soon enough.  I know I know, I should be treasuring these moments.  Holding on just as tight as I can.  And usually I do, but I'm kind of done with the 12-15 hour days, 7 days a week, demands of summer.  

I feel horrible saying this.  It's not that I don't love my children.  I DO.  I am fully devoted to them.  I adore being a mom, being THEIR mom.  I just need a little, consistent, non-mom time.  

There are lots of things I could blame this on.  Erik's travel schedule, the kids energy levels, my energy levels, stress, school.  But those are just excuses.  The bottom line is this mom thing gets hard sometimes.  And I have found myself in a hard spot lately.  Can anyone relate?

I read blogs from other moms about how they are dreading the start of school.  My friends facebook posts all declare how great summer is and how they just want time to stand still, and I feel guilty.  Really, really guilty.  Does no one else struggle with this?  Am I the only one having a hard time with the mom thing?  Does that make me the world's worst mom?  

In my heart I know I'm not.  I know it's just a rough time.  I love my kids.  They KNOW I love them.  They know I would do anything for them.  And I know they will grow up to fast.  And soon I will be lamenting at how I could have ever wished they were back in school.  So right now I will take a big, deep breath of quiet and I will go outside and play with my kids.  Because that is what moms do.