Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Comfort

It happened.

I knew it would.

I could feel it coming over the last couple of days.

Today, it finally happened.

I lost it.

Erik left for another trip yesterday, but I spent all day on a field trip with Isabella so I wasn't at home.  Alone.

But today, as soon as I dropped the kids off at school, I knew it was going to happen.  I could feel it.

You would have thought it was the first day of school the way I sniffled all the way home, fighting back the tears.  

As I got closer to the house, my steps got slower.  I stood outside not wanting to go in, but knowing I had to, knowing there would be no other living creature inside the house but me.  There would be no Hank, there would be no Hercules.

And that is when I lost it.

With no kids to be strong for.  No husband to pull it together for.  I let myself cry, big, sobbing tears, and I let my heart hurt.

Then I opened my bible looking for comfort.

Today's reading was from 1 Chronicles so I didn't hold out a lot of hope for that comfort.  But guess what?  It was still there.  

Nope, Chronicles doesn't say anything about losing a precious pet or letting go of a part of your heart.  It doesn't tell you what to do when you hurt so bad it makes you cry.  It doesn't reassure you that redemption is for all of creation, or promise you the happiest of life ever afters.  

But it does list out God's promises to the people of Israel.  Promises that he kept time and time again.  The same promises that he makes to me, and to you.  Promises that he still keeps today.

They aren't promises of an easy life, or no sadness if you follow him.  He doesn't promise that you will never hurt or never cry.  But he does promise to never leave you or forsake you.  He promises to be there with you in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the tears.  He promises to love you no matter what, forgive you no matter what, and be there no matter what.

Today is a sad day for me.  It is a lonely day.  But I am not all alone.  And I take comfort in that.