Monday, April 29, 2013

The Depths of My Soul

One of my kids made a pretty big mistake the other day.  And I got angry. 

The mistake was pointed out to me by a third party (that's always hard to hear).  I was embarrassed by what my child did.  I thought I had taught them better than that.  And I was angry.

When I questioned my child about it, the said child lied to me, and then I really lost it.  
Eventually, the child was sent to his/her room and dad was called in.  

I knew I had handled the situation all wrong.  

I was angry, embarrassed and hurt, and my child knew that.  In that moment, though my love NEVER wavered, it NEVER diminished or faltered or decreased in any way, my child felt that it had.  Instead of communicating my love.  I communicated my hurt.

I handled it all wrong.

Daddy on the other hand laid down on the bed with the child and quietly talked to him/her for over 40 minutes.  Never once did he raise his voice, never once did he get angry.  He validated the choice that was made, communicated he could understand why that choice was made but described tenderly why it was the wrong choice, what about it made it such a wrong choice and helped the child walk through how to make a better decision next time. 

He handled it perfectly.  

On the way to class today I was listening to praise and worship music and asking for forgiveness because it still bothers me how poorly I handled this situation.  I did later go apologize to my child. I assured him/her of my love and asked for forgiveness.  But days later I am still remorseful.  Will I never learn????  And as I was praying, these words came over the radio "You know the depths of my soul and you love me the same."

Just as nothing my children do, could EVER change how much I love the (even when they make me angry, embarrassed or hurt). There is nothing that I do that will change how God feels about me.  He has seen me at my worst, he has seen the ugly depths of my soul, and he still loves me.  Just like I still love my child.  Only he loves me perfectly.  He loves me in ways I am incapable of loving.  He loves me with a love I can never earn, understand or deserve.  He loves me.  And he loves you to.  He has seen the depths of your soul and he loves you the same.