Monday, February 25, 2013

The Turmoil Inside

I was so very, very blessed to get to go to my church's annual women's retreat this past weekend.  This is the fourth year in a row I have gone, and I have a blast every year.  But this year there was something very special about the retreat.

My husband Erik often travels for his job and last week was no different.  He left early Monday morning for the Northeast part of the country where the weather was cold but snow free.  He was scheduled to fly back into Kansas City late Thursday night.   When the reports of a massive snowstorm heading straight for KC, scheduled to arrive Thursday morning, started rolling in, I called to let him know, encouraging him to come home a day early if possible.  It, of course, wasn't possible.  We were hit with 12 inches of snow and sure enough on Thursday morning Erik's flight for that night was cancelled.  He re-booked to Chicago and got a flight from Chicago to KC early Friday morning.  Then that flight was cancelled, he re-booked again, the last available seat flying into KC for the next 3 days.  Then the snow hit Chicago.  UGH!!!  But God wanted Erik home as much as he wanted me at the retreat.  His flight finally made it out of Chicago.  A neighbor's husband agreed to watch the kids until Erik actually made it back to the house and I headed for the retreat!

That retreat is exactly where I needed to be this weekend. It renewed and restored my soul in a way I'm not sure I have ever felt before.  My cup was filled, filled to overflowing at some points (especially on the way home-thanks ladies!)  

It's been a hard couple of weeks for me.   I have been feeling sorry for myself and frustrated with where I am at or more accurately where I am not.  There are so many days I feel like I am not being used, at least not the way I desire for him to use me. And then I start to question if he can even use me at all.  I have been writing less and less, reaching out less and less, too busy with the big things in life to do the little things that mean so much to me.  I wondered a little bit too far from home, and this weekend God gently brought me right back into his arms.  

I was reminded this morning on my way into class that Jesus literally calmed the raging seas.  There was a time when he was in the boat with his disciples and a storm came, the wind blew, the waters were turbulent and the disciples were in turmoil.  And Jesus, with nothing more than his words calmed the seas.  

If He can do that to for the seas - the real, actual seas! Surely he can just as easily calm the turmoil inside of me.  And do you know what?  He can.  And He did. He calmed the turmoil that has been eating me up inside, the lies I know I shouldn't believe but sometimes are too loud to ignore.  And he can do the same thing for you.  Whatever the case may be, whatever turmoil you find yourself in.  He can calm it.  Listen to His words, soak in His words and let His peace that passes understanding calm the turmoil inside.