Friday, November 9, 2012

Denial

There are lots of things I seem to be in denial about these days.

I am in denial about getting older (I thought they said you were as young as you think you are).

I am in denial about my natural hair color (I don't care what you say gray is not natural).

I am in denial about my new pant size (I'm pretty sure the entire industry changed their standards).

I am in denial about my upcoming term paper (how hard can 15 pages on righteousness, justification and salvation really be? it's not like people have spent their entire life trying to figure this stuff out...oh wait...)

I am in denial about fragility of life (I know horrible things happen and we are mortal people, but MY family, the dog included, is going to live forever.  My kids won't move away and we will all be together forever, and ever and ever and ever...)

There are lots of things I am in denial about.  

I recently read about Peter's denial.  Peter was a leader among the disciples, a rock and the pillar of the early Christian church.  He preached the first sermon after Jesus ascension on the day of Pentecost.  He led the church in Jerusalem.   He wrote 2 of the books of the New Testament and the Gospel of Mark came from Peter's preaching.  This was a man who KNEW and LOVED Christ, yet even he, in a dark moment, denied any knowledge of or relationship to Jesus, not once but 3 times!  Yes he more than made up for his mistake, yes Jesus forgave and Peter went on to do amazing things.  But if even THIS man denied Christ, I have to ask myself, have I?

I would like to say no,  I would never deny who I am in Christ.  I am a child of God, a daughter of the King.  I am fully devoted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in all aspects of my life.  But if I'm being honest I have to ask, "Is that true?"

Webster's defines denial in a couple of different ways.  One the definitions says it is "the refusal of something requested or desired".  Have I ever refused to do something God has requested of me or desired for me to do? Absolutely.   Too often I choose NOT to listen to that voice inside of me asking me to reach out, go out of my comfort zone, do something that isn't "me".  WAY too often I deny God. It's yet one more thing I'm working on.  I am working on saying "yes" to those promptings instead of "no".  I am working on following instead of just going, hoping I am heading in the direction I am supposed to.  I am working on acting like a woman fully devoted to her Lord and Savior.  It's not easy.  But then again, he never said it would be, did he?  

I am still in a denial about a lot of things, but not this, not anymore.