Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Woman I am Becoming

I couldn't be more proud of myself!

I know, I'm not really supposed to say that.  But truly, I am quite proud of what I did yesterday!

I made JT some homemade cupcakes to take to school for his birthday treat... and they were an epic FAILURE!!!!!  Truly you have never seen nor tasted cupcakes as bad as these! He has a new friend in his class that has an egg allergy, but JT REALLY wanted to take cupcakes for his birthday.  So being the A1 stellar mom I am, I googled egg substitutes and proceeded to make my wonderful son some equally wonderful cupcakes that ALL his friends could enjoy!   Only they were a complete and total flop.  They didn't rise AT ALL.  They were one big lump of yuck that tasted even worse than they looked!!!!  Even if the cat and the dog were still alive, I am confident not even they would eat these cupcakes.

Why, you might ask, would I take any form of pride in this baking fiasco?

It's not the cupcakes, they truly were horrendous! What I am proud of is the way I handled it.  I laughed at my cupcakes.  I showed the kids my epic mistake and they laughed at my cupcakes.   And then I quite calmly asked my husband if he would mind picking up some cupcakes from the grocery store on his way home from the gym that evening, I didn't have time.

You might not fully understand but this is HUGE for me!  A couple of years ago, this would have resulted in copious amounts of tears on my part as well as a temper tantrum.  I would have allowed this, minor in the scope of life event, to make me feel inadequate as a mother, wife, and woman.  I would have told myself that a "loving mother" sends homemade birthday treats to school for her kids birthday.  A "real woman" knows how to bake, and NEVER messes up something as easy as cupcakes.  IF circumstances are beyond her control (something similar to the world ending) and homemade cupcakes are just not humanly possible than a "good mom" at least spends an entire day scoping out the healthiest, yummiest, best replacement cupcakes and picks them out herself!  She certainly doesn't send her husband out to find something at 8:00 at night!

Yes, a couple of years ago, this would have all been running through my head.  But it didn't yesterday.  I no longer believe these lies.  I now know the truth.  I simply can't do it all.  There are some things I am gifted at and some things I am not.  God made me with my strengths and my weaknesses for a reason.   Some days I might hit a home run, but somedays  I will strike out.  Yesterday I struck out on those cupcakes, but I'm pretty sure I got a hit on something else at some point in the day.

The truly ironic thing is JT LOVED those store bought cupcakes purchased at the last minute.  They were exactly what HE wanted for HIS birthday.

There are still a lot of days when I just don't get it right.  Where I am so far from the woman I want to be.  But yesterday, I was pretty proud of the woman I am becoming!