Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Watching Your Babies Grow Up

It's a hard thing on parents to watch their babies grow up.  

I knew the letting go phase would be difficult but no one told me it would feel like my heart was being ripped out!

I know in my head how important it is for kids to learn independence, for them to spread their wings and do new things, things that don't always include you.  But try telling that to my heart.

Tomorrow Erik and I and the two boys will head to Minnesota, and Isabella will not.  She will be staying here.  No, she isn't staying home by herself, she will be with friends and family I completely trust and who love her as much as I do.  But she won't be with me.  And that is hard.

It's not like it is the first time she has been away from me.  It happens quite often.  She has even gone all the way up to Minnesota with Grandma Jeanne while the rest of us stay here.  So we have been this far away from her before.  We have also been a family of four with her somewhere else before too.  But somehow this one feels different.  

This is the first time that her schedule and her desires don't work with the family's schedule (or ours doesn't work with hers - I'm not sure which).  Either way, she asked if she could stay behind when we left town.  I know this won't be the last time.  My kids are growing up, against my will, but they are still growing up.  And I need to let them. So we called up Grandma, we called some friends, and we made it work. And I was okay with it.  Until today.  And then it hit me.  I am leaving her behind.  And she wants to be left behind because there is something else she would rather do, somewhere else she would rather be, and someone else she would rather be with.  

And that tears out my heart.

Tomorrow my husband, my two boys, my body and 4/5 of my heart will head out of town.  But 1/5 of my heart, a very large part of my heart, will stay right here in Kansas City.

It is a hard thing to watch your babies grow up.