Who's on First?

There are a lot of names in our house, perhaps too many.  There is Tami, also known as "T", mom, momma, or mommy.  There is Erik, dad, daddy, honey or hon and on rare occasions Erik Jason.  There is Isabella, Bella, Bell, sweet pea, or sweetie.  There is Nate, Nathaniel Erik Jason when he is in trouble, Bud or Buddy when he's not.  And of course JT, James Terrell Lundgren, or more often then not, Na-JT, when I've forgotten who I am yelling at!  But we can't forget the animals.  There is Hank, who is also affectionately called "the old man" or puppy dog (I know could his nick names be more different?), and Hercules the cat, he is also called mouser, you can probably guess why!

And just in case that wasn't confusing enough it got even more difficult last night!.  Earlier this fall my oldest two kids learned a song in church that listed all the books of the Bible.  So they have taken it upon themselves to teach this song or really just the books of the Bible to their dad!  With no prompting from me (I swear!) each night at dinner they quiz Erik on how many he knows.  I am proud to report that he has learned them all up to Daniel.  JT, age 5, knows pretty much the Old Testament and the New Testament until Philippians.  Isabella and Nate pretty much know them all except for maybe one or two.  I am very proud!

Well, as we were going over these at dinner last night, it was pointed out that the New Testament names were a lot easier to say than the Old Testament names.  We know people named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  But who has ever heard of someone called Deuteronomy, or Leviticus, or Haggai?  Why don't people name use any of those names when naming their kids? (Remember this is coming from a 5, 8, and 10 year old mind set!)

So the Lundgren's decided to rename themselves after a book of the bible.  JT immediately chose Deuteronomy (it's his favorite).  Isabella thought she should be Genesis because she is the first!  I decided I would be Esther, after all, she was a queen (are you really surprised?).  The kids pointed out that Erik should then be 1 Kings, naturally.  And Nate jumped in that he would then have to be 2 Kings.  So for the rest of the night each person was referred to as the respective "Bible" names.  Perhaps you had to be there, but it did create a lot of laughs, and some significant confusion, and we were entertained for the rest of the night.

So I gotta ask, what book of the Bible would you be?

Disappointment

The hustle and bustle is over.  

Christmas has come and gone.  

As we struggle to put the house back in order, find new spots for all our treasures, and somehow fit into the pants that weren't tight a month ago, our feelings can be mixed.  

Some are sad to see the time go so fast.  Some are relieved that the endless lists are done.  Others find themselves disappointed in the whole thing.  The gift they wanted so bad wasn't under the tree.  The time with family was more stressful than fun.  The loneliness of the season was worse this year than in years past.  Whatever the case may, wherever you find your emotions it's important to remember what christmas is supposed to be about.  

It's not about the gifts under the tree.  I know, try telling that to an 8 year old (or me for that matter!).  And It's not a surprise that there can be tension with a houseful of people all with different expectations, desires and opinions.  But that's not what it's about either.  There was just as much sadness, relief and disappointment in Bethlehem over 2000 years ago and there will be next year as well.  

The point of Christmas, and every other day of the year is this... we are lost and without that baby born in a stable in the middle of sadness, dismay and disappointment, we will remain lost.  He is our hope, yesterday, today and forever.  He is our hope on Christmas day and every other day of the year.  The magic of Christmas doesn't mean that there won't be sadness, pain and disappointment, but that in spite of these things there is hope.  Hope for more than this, hope for a time and place where tears fall no more, harsh words are never spoken, and to-do lists don't exist.  That place isn't here, it isn't now, but it is coming and it is coming to those who look for it every day of the year, not just Christmas.  

The Light

"God rest ye merry Gentlemen, let nothing you dismay.  Remember Christ our Savior was born on upon this day, to save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray."

As I sat at the table cutting out felt scarves for the snowman craft at the kids "holiday party" and making reindeer donuts for the snack.  I listened to my Christmas playlist.  Song after song reminding me that this isn't a season of snowmen or reindeer or holiday parties.  This is the season when Christ was born.

He was born in time of darkness, a time of oppression for God's chosen people.  A time when they wanted to know where God was and why he had been so silent for so long.  Nearly 400 hundred years passed between the last prophet from the Old Testament and the birth of Jesus.  400 years.  That's a long time.  They wanted, they needed someone to deliver them.   Just as we do today.  

Jesus wasn't welcomed into this world as a king should be with the sound of trumpets and celebration.  But in a dark and dirty place.  In a time of trouble.  From the very beginning people wanted to silence him.  Herod tried and he failed.  The Jewish leaders tried, they failed too.  Still today, people try to silence Jesus.  They try to hide him in a dark and dirty place but it doesn't work.  

That's why he came.  He came to save us from Satan's power.  He came to save us from the darkness he was very purposefully born into.  Darkness that he has defeated, he continues to defeat and he always will defeat.  He came as a baby in the darkness of night and sin to redeem us all.  This baby boy has the power to save us all.

Remember this Christmas exactly why it was that Jesus came, and rejoice.  Rejoice in the light that shines through the darkness.  

When Your Bubble Pop

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..."

I'm not a highly political person.  You are unlikely to discern any strong political opinion from reading any of my blogs, most likely because I don't really have them.  

The outcome of the last election didn't cause me to stock pile food or gnash my teeth.  In fact, I'm not a hundred percent convinced that the man (or woman) who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue really has any direct impact on my life at all.  I know LOTS of you disagree with me and I am OK with that, I hope you are too.

That being said, you cannot discount the state of our nation right now.  I do not blame it on any one individual, any political party, any law or lack of law.  The state of a nation, specifically THIS nation, the one built on freedom, is a direct result of the people living in it.  It is a result of what we  are willing to say yes to, what we are willing to say no to, and what we are willing to let slide because it's not up to us to say anything at all.  We as individuals each have a choice, every day and in every hour.  And those choices we make, they make our nation what it is.  

It might be pretty appealing right about now to put your family into a bubble and protect them from the world.  But I have to warn you, bubbles pop.  Every single one of them I have ever seen, has popped.  

Now don't get me wrong, I live in the middle of the bible belt.  Toto and Dorothy are right next door.  This is about as close to a bubble as you can get!   I have surrounded myself and my family with people who agree with our morals, values, and religious views.  Yes, my kids have friends that don't go to church every Sunday, as do I.  But those friends know where we stand and respect our views.  I feel safe where we live.  When I leave the house for the day it's pretty likely my front door is unlocked, my car usually is too.  I have had 2 things stolen from me in my life and both times the police called me to let me know about it.  Both items were returned to me completely undamaged.  My husband has had a steady job for the past 8 years, when many people faced lay offs and economic trials.  My children came home from school last Friday.  My bubble is intact.  But many aren't.  Bubbles all over the country popped last week.

What do you do when your bubble pops?  You walk through the valley of the shadow of death and you fear no evil.  

It is so much easier said then done, I know that.  But when we choose a bubble over the world we are telling God that we don't trust him, we don't think He is enough.  He's not enough to keep us safe and not enough to get us through when go wrong.   I don't know about you but I will not live in fear.  As a Christian, I may not be OF this world but I am certainly IN this world, and I will do what it takes to spread his light, even in the darkest corners.  Evil is out there, but so is Jesus.  And he is with us.  And each and every time one of us makes the choice to live for Jesus, like Jesus, in Jesus, this nation becomes a better place. 

It's OK if your bubble popped, they tend to do that.  Maybe that's why we were never called to live in one.

IT'S NOT OK!!

I want to turn off the news.  I don't want to watch.

It seems like it would be so much easier to ignore the fact that people's lives have been torn apart today.

I would rather stay in the Christmas spirit, happily writing out addresses on my Christmas cards.  But somewhere, not far enough away, lives were shattered today.  

I need to acknowledge that.  I need to let the tears fall even when I don't want to.  Because the moment when we choose to ignore it, we condone it.  When we sweep it under the rug because it is too painful to deal with, it's like saying it OK.  And ITS NOT OK!!  Its not OK to go into a school and shoot up innocent children!  

IT'S NOT OK!!

It's not OK to destroy an entire community in a single morning.  That community should be focused on the most beautiful time of the year right now, celebrating the birth of our savior, not planning 26 funerals (at least at last count).  

IT'S NOT OK!!

I don't what happened this morning, I have no words.  I can't make sense of it.  And I won't make a political statement about the state of our nation or anything else.  All I can say is that we can't ignore it.  We have to acknowledge it.  We have to grieve for those parents who lost a child and the families of all who perished.  And we have to lift them up in prayer because God DOES hear, he DOES care, and he WILL listen.  

Every single one of those children lost today are in the arms of their  heavenly father right now.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!  You will not convince me otherwise.  That doesn't make the pain of losing them any easier to bear, I know that.  But God is STILL in control! He REALLY is.  And he loves each and every one of those children with a love we cannot comprehend.  Rest in that.

Am I Even Growing

"Am I even growing mom?"  the words came out of my completely exasperated 5 year olds mouth.  He has been trying to catch up to his older sibling for, well, all his life.  And frankly, he doesn't feel like he's made much progress.  Every time he is FINALLY able to do something they have been doing for quite some time, something else comes along.  Something they can do, but he can't yet.  And he's frustrated, he feels like time is standing still and he's never going to catch up with them, he is never going to grow up as big as they are.  

The truth is, I can totally relate.  I had a similar conversation with God today.  "God, am I even growing?"  Yes I am a whole lot more book smart than I was 3 months ago.  I know things now I didn't even know I didn't know.  But have I grown?  Sometimes I'm not so sure. 

Erik and I had a doozy of a fight a couple of weeks ago, one of the biggest of our marriage.  So big, I even got flowers afterward (that's pretty remarkable!)  Needless to say I'm not proud of the way I handled myself.  I said things I shouldn't have.  And was slow to forgive.  I still lose my temper with my kids more than I (or they) would like.  Words come out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them.  Wouldn't some of these stronghold in my life (anger, pride, uncontrolled mouth) start to go away if I was really growing?  

I told JT what I knew to be true.  Yes, he was growing!  He can now reach the sink all by himself, he no longer needs the step stool.  His clothes from last year no longer fit him, and we just had to buy him new shoes.  He didn't out grow them in a single day, but over time, without us evening noticing, he has grown.  

I have to trust that the same is true for me.  Yes I still make a lot of mistakes, I still have strongholds in my life and I am not the person I so desperately want to be, at least not yet.  But I am also not the person I used to be.  I have grown, not in one single day but over time. In the weeks, months and even years that have passed.  Yes, I am growing.

Why now?

1 class down...many, many more to go!  

I finished my very first graduate level seminary class this week.  50% of the class grade was do in the last 2 weeks so I still don't know how I did, but I feel pretty good about it.  I know I learned a ton!  It was challenging in ways I never expected it to be and a little more fun then I anticipated.  

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm still not exactly sure why God has called me to seminary.  And although I'm more confident now then I was 3 months ago that this is where I'm supposed to be, I'm still not sure why it had to be now.  I am only able to juggle one class at a time and juggle is absolutely the best word for it.

I have 3 young children, one of them not even in school yet.  He is around all the time, asking for my attention, wanting to play, needing me.  And I am busy, reading theology working on a paper or typing up notes.  There are times I feel like it is unfair to him, and to my other children.  I have been more stressed this semester than I have been in a long time.

I can remember a couple of years ago when my husband took a new job.  He was stressed. Big time.  I remember telling him that our family unit can only take so much stress and if he was going to carry all of it himself, then I couldn't do anything at all stressful, because it would exceed the amount of stress our family could take.  Needless to say I have carried my share of the stress and then some the past 3 months.  

So why now?  Why didn't God want me to wait a couple of years?  Why  not wait till the kids were all in school full time?  I don't know.  I don't pretend to understand God's timing.  There are certainly plenty of things in my life that he is telling me to wait on.  It seems like most things I think I am ready for God is telling me "no, not yet."  So why was this one a "yes, now"?  I don't know.  

I do know that God's timing is perfect.  I know that he has a plan and I know that he works for the good of those who love him.  And I do love him.  So I have to trust that in his infinite wisdom and his glorious plan it makes sense for me to be doing this, even now.  Juggling things beyond my capacity to juggle.  

Are you in the same boat?  Are there things God is telling you to do now, even though you think you are not ready?  Are there other things he is telling you "no, not yet" when it is all you want to do?  It's not for us to figure out, it's not for us to understand, it is only  for us to listen and obey.  That is what we are called to do.